For some reason, a couple of weeks ago, I decided that a blog post where I drink questionable beer, which is obviously going to taste awful, would be a good idea. This post is the result of that plan.
I have had in my fridge four beers which many respecting beer drinkers would refuse to even look at, let alone drink. They are Carlsberg Blackcurrant, Fosters Gold, Cuvana Rum Flavoured Beer, and Dead Crow Bourbon Flavoured Beer. As per usual with my posts, I’m writing this as I go along, so things may get interesting as I get more drunk, or more disgusted by the beers.
First up in my glass is the Carlsberg Blackcurrant. It has been poured into my Birmingham Beer Bash 2014 glass from a clear 660ml bottle that has been sat on the top shelf of a B&M store. Fluorescent lights shining their light rays through the beer, day after day until I decided today would be a good day to drink a beer which is obviously going to taste awful.
Preconceptions. Sometimes they are met, Sometimes they are awfully misjudged.
The beer certainly smells of blackcurrant. A part of me is slightly trepidatious about actually lifting the glass to my lips and taking the first sip. Compared to how bad I was expecting it to taste, the actual taste isn’t that bad. If anything, it’s slightly disappointing, and nowhere near as blackcurranty as I was expecting. The question is though, can I drink an entire 660ml bottle, or will I end up pouring half of it away?
The answer is the latter, though I have managed to drink around the equivalent of a 330ml bottle.
Next up into the Beer Bash glass is the Cuvana Rum Flavoured Beer. Once again, it is poured from a clear glass bottle, that has been sat in the glare of fluorescent lights for goodness knows how long. For some reason, it smells like limes, rather than, as would be expected of a rum flavoured beer, rum. As a result, I’m even more cautious about drinking this than I was the Carlsberg Blackcurrant.
I start with a small sip. There’s lime in the taste as well. If I’m supposed to be tasting rum, I’m not. It is, I’m slightly pleased to say, as awful as my expectations thought it would be. After three or four sips or mouthfuls, I have reached the half pint line of the glass. I may have found a contender to Floris Chocolate for the worst beer to have ever passed my lips.
Swiftly pouring that abomination down the sink, I move on to the Dead Crow. Natuarally, my expectations are as high for this as they were for the Cuvana. Aroma wise, the Dead Crow is much more subtle than the previous two beers of the night. Sure, it smells of something, but it’s not as obvious.
I take a similar sized sip to last time. This is the first time the taste of one of these beers has made me screw my face up in disgust. I take another to confirm the horror that revealed itself in that first taste. I can only imagine that most of the trade for these beers is from first time buyers, or friends and family who don’t know better buying gifts for those who like beer and rum, or beer and bourbon. If we live in a world where people can actually manage to get through an entire bottle of either of these beers, and then think “I’d like another of those”, we live in a world of people who either hate themselves, or are idiots.
Last but not least, it’s the turn of the Australian beer Australia doesn’t drink. What that says about the beer is up to you and your conceptions of Australians and beer.
Compared to it’s predecessors, this is a relief. A beer approaching somewhere near drinkable, even if it is somewhat bland, and leaves you wondering if you did actually have a drink of it. It smells of nothingness. It tastes of nothingness, though there is a slight moment where it hints that there might be something there, before leaving a nothingness aftertaste and a dryness in the mouth.
Already I have drunk more of this than the Cuvana and Dead Crow combined. That being said though, when this glass is over, I’m moving back to the good stuff.
Tonight has been an experience, and as some people say, you can’t truely criticise a beer until it has passed your lips. These four beers have now passed my lips and I can safely say that I’ll never willingly or knowingly drink any of them again. Usually I’d tell you to try the beers yourself and make your own minds up, but in this case, I’m going to say trust me on this one. (10966)